gallimaufry

1. Will anyone ever again be able to say I'M ON A BOAT, even when true, without giggling? Prognosis is poor.  I'm just THINKING it right now and grinning.

2. NEWS FLASH:  MM is right-handed & likes mook

3. "I don't think he's French." W. T. F. !!!! (he wasn't a lot of other things, either)

4. I am so so so grateful and so incredibly outrageously lucky to have health insurance, let alone the coverage and care that I do. Thank you, thank you God.

5. Recently watched "Strangers on a Train." Ageless, astonishing. Overwhelming impulse to continually pause it and take notes to write a paper about it. *Every* element conspiring to make it as creepy and disturbing as can be, with zero gore etc.  Image of Walker's somehow at-once totally normal and also psycho eye-expressions still bothering me days later.  If that's not what possessed looks like, I *really* don't want to know what is.  And not one of his lines was overtly insane, but all straightforward, simple and logical... portrait of a psychopath.  Just amazing stuff.

6. As I was trying to explain to someone today why the exec education thing had been so rewarding, it finally came to me that a lot of it was having to be so fully, uncompromisingly, relentlessly, intensely ON for an extended period, in so many different ways, both in and out of class.  It took me this long to realize because at the time, as usual, I experienced it mostly as stress - at best, infrequently and passingly, as an oblique masochistic pleasure - but seeing *everything* done in that movie at such a level for some reason revealed to me, first, how much my enjoyment of various kinds of performances arises from that thrill (in all senses), vicariously, and then the thrill itself.  I hadn't had to do it in so long (and have probably never come so close to accessing the *joy* of doing things that I find difficult, and doing them well, while doing them, as I did there).  When *was* the last time, really?  Bar exams? performing?  I don't even know.  (ETA Oh! are you kidding!  CANIS LUPUS, etc.! ah...well...this explains a lot.  But that's in a very different, specific, narrow way, only sporadically that challenging, and only available a few days per year...hmmmm)  To sound like an ******* for just a moment, it's like being Secretariat and spending my day-to-day as a Central Park carriage horse and then suddenly being thrust into a race and being shocked at how much I enjoyed it.  No, you know what- I'm not apologizing for that - people around me are saying some version of this to me *all the time*.  I'm the only one who doesn't think/know/say it, and that's some bs right there. Now what I'm supposed to do with this information, I have no idea.