Things not to do/say to someone who's just had a death in the family (yes all of these happened to me and/or my loved ones):

- "it's probably because you didn't take good enough care of them"

- "oh hey! Yeah, I heard." *walks away*

- launch into recitation of all the other people you know who suffered the same illness/accident/etc.

- leave them voicemail in which you crack jokes

- hit on/proposition them

- before they do, use past tense when talking about the departed

- "OMG, what are you going to do about [anything besides making it through another day without losing your mind]?!" Yes, please, frighten and alarm and cause me further anxiety; this is the best possible time as I am not already overwhelmed or anything.

- act like nothing happened - say nothing about it to the person despite seeing them every day

- ask detailed questions about treatment with a persistence that suggests they didn't do everything possible for the person the way you would have

and for fuck's sake don't "like" the Facebook post announcing the news.

ETA no this didn't just happen