Ron Swanson gems:

"And that, Lauren, is how FDR ruined this country."

(handing metal device to 9-year-old) "This is a Claymore land mine. Use it to protect your property."

Back to Leslie:

"I'm gonna go see a man about some porcelain, y'know what I mean? I'm not buying cocaine. I'm going to the bathroom. The wizz palace as I like to call it. And I'm not calling Ann."

"He told me that he liked me, and I'm gonna go make out with him. On his face."

And of course Chris:

"We'll, now I'm up. You wanna boggle?" - to Ben, after again obliviously blundering into would-have-been romantic moment between Ben & Leslie