"You just need to turn the butterfly back into a drunk, incompetent caterpillar." - Jack to Liz re: Tracy

Tracy's confused reaction when Matt Lauer said "authentic self" is the hardest I think I've ever laughed at him*

"Why is Tracy off rescuing people?" - Frank, petulantly

"I've only seen you use that computer to look at pictures of Nate Berkus." - Cherie to Liz

"Hey, Jack - you're friends with Jeter and Springsteen, right? Can you call and see if they'll be in the cold open? They'd have to kiss." - Liz

Jack: This TV nonsense was supposed to be my stepping stone, and instead, it's become my gravestone. And do you know whose fault that is?
Liz: Sort of feel like you're gonna say... 'Leno'?

"What if we had a child that was prettier than us? We'd have to leave it in a desert." - Paul L'astname, to Jenna

"That's crazy, a man named Elia! That's a giraffe's name." - Tracy

"If this is gonna work out between you and me, you should know, my tarantula sleeps on my face." - Dennis

"You didn't say it was the Bills." - Jack, hurt and betrayed, to Sideways Jack

Tracy: I'm just trying to get people to stop respecting me!
Jack: ....Do TV. No one will ever respect you again. Doesn't matter how big a movie star you are. Even if you have the kind of career where you... walked away from a blockbuster franchise. Or worked with Meryl Streep or Anthony Hopkins, made important movies about things like civil rights and Pearl Harbor, stole films with supporting roles, and then turned around and blew them away on Broadway. None of that will matter once you do television. You can win every award in sight, and be the biggest thing on the small screen, and you'll get laughed out of the Vanity Fair Oscar party - by Greg Kinnear. ...now that is a freaking cadenza.

*