Troy: If God were edible, not that I'm Catholic, but if it was cool to eat God, He'd be a chicken finger.

Liz: Twof, you provide a point of view that is... essential to keeping... the diversity... guy from bothering us.

Twofer: As a condition of my re-employment, I have requested that I no longer be called "Twofer".
Frank: Great! New nickname suggestions: go!
Liz: Victoria Q. Nerdballs!
Jenna: Kanye East!
Frank: Supervirgin!
Tracy: Splock! Short for Black Spock.
Pete: Threefer, 'cause you're also gay!

" 'I have to go back to the zoo, to the Stick Insect exhibit!' " - Dwight, doing an impression of corporate flunky Gabriel

Cherie (to bridesmaids-to-be Liz and Jenna): The schedule is really filling up, now that Aris is finally getting over his Stockholm syndrome. (Pause) Oh, that reminds me - you guys might have to walk down the aisle with some pirates.

Jack (with dripping irony): This is NBC, the Biggest... Loser... network.

Tracy (apologizing to Kenneth about his rottweiler): I trained him to hate white people, because, not to profile, but most ghosts are white.